Sea World on my own

I was pretty nervous about taking the kids to Sea World by myself but we had a great time. There were a few rides we couldn't do because it would've required another adult, and it was exhausting pushing my big ole babies around in the stroller (don't ask), and the driving oh the driving was horrid, but over all it was fine. Not something I'm in a hurry to do again mind you.

We made sure to get a few things done that we didn't get to do last time. Like the manatees and the Sesame Street Bay of Play, and the Pet's Rule show. ALL 3 AMAZING! We also saw the Shamu show of course and the penguins. But the absolute highlight was being able to actually TOUCH the dolphins! I don't know how we missed this when we were there in May, but all you had to do was pay $6 for a tray of fish and you were able to pet them!! OMG seriously SO amazing! Another thing to cross of my bucket list! I could've spent all my money and time there hahaha and I'm SO not an animal person. Lacie touched one too but not Colby. He said he'll do it next time. :) We came home with a few souveneirs too - a snuggly dolphin for Lace, a snuggly penguin for B, a dolphin keychain for me (!!!), and a DVD of the Shamu show and all the behind the scenes stuff that goes along with training killer whales - SO COOL!

PENGUINS!!!!

Who says it doesn't snow in San Diego! :)

SO FLIPPIN' (haha get it?) COOL!!!!!!

Soon to be Extinct

I figure this is probably just about the last picture I will be able to get of my kids taking a bath together :( They already take seperate baths most of the time now but this night I was tired. Had to take a pic to remember that they were once little :)

I Heart Pumpkins

I think it might be a sickness. I've been to THREE pumpkin patches this month, and almost everytime I go to the grocery store I pick up more! I can't help it :)

At the beginning of October, the kids and I took an impromptu trip to the beach with my parents and lil sister - which I still have yet to blog about! One of the things we did on that trip was visit the Avila Barn. I seriously thought I had died and gone to heaven! Except for the stinky animal smell haha. There were SOOOOOOO many gorgeous pumpkins! I even had pumpkin ice cream! Oh heaven I tell you!

Last week I chaperoned my lil sis' field trip to Murray Family Farms and brought the kids along with me. It was warm but fun and again - we got pumpkins!!!!!

Then last weekend I took the kids to Banducci Farms Pumpkin Patch with the sole intent on getting gorgeous fall photos of my monsters. They were fairly cooperative and I'm excited to add these to our family calendar gifts.

I need to add a picture here of ALLLLL the pumpkins I have. I think there are like 10 of em total! I'll do that in a bit :)

Getting Deep On Ya...

Many of you know about my hunger for a third child for our family. I've definitely come a long way with these feelings but they are still there. I can't help but pray anxiously every month that the dreaded dot won't show, and every month I'm disappointed. And rightfully so, I mean it would be a HUGE miracle if I were to pop up pregnant. Not that those haven't been known to happen but I am just trying to be real with myself here. So in all these prayers for another baby - some how some way - I've also been praying that if it's not meant to be that I would find peace in it. I KNOW that I am blessed, I KNOW that I have more wonderful things in my life than some, and it's definitely enough. So I'm getting there. :)
Just about everytime that I start wishing to be a "Mother of 3" again a thought flitters across my mind....

"You ARE a mother of 3"

What? Who said that? I am a mother of 2 (darlings might I add) that WANTS to be a Mother of 3.

"No, YOU ARE A MOTHER OF 3"

I can literally feel my uterus tightening as I think these thought and type these words.

In February of 2001 I became pregnant for the first time in my life. We had been actively trying and another couple that we were close to had just announced their pregnancy a month before. We were ecstatic! I was sick at work and my mom said "YAY You're sick!" :)
In March we celebrated our first anniversary at Disneyland for 3 days and I happily obstained from all the fun rides. We came home and went to our first little appointment which included lots of bloodwork.
Then I got a call from my ob/gyn. "Your numbers look a little funny. Come in for another blood test please."
I had several blood tests over several days and finally a pelvic ultrasound. My first ultrasound ever. (Pelvically - not as fun as on the belly!)
David held my hand and my doctor took his time examining. Searchind is more like it. Searching for what wasn't there.
A heartbeat.
A viable pregnancy.

I was devastated. I was convinced it was my fault and that I would never have the children I so desperately wanted. I practically blacked out in the parking lot. My poor husband, I was so blind to HIS pain. Until I heard him crying too.

Within a few days I started spotting. It was like a slap in the face. I had SO wanted them to be WRONG. But there was no denying it and I went in for a D&C.
They said it was a blighted ovum. The baby stops developing but the body & placenta continue on as if there is still a pregnancy.
I was between 8 and 9 weeks. Many people didn't even know we were pregnant yet.
I was told that it wasn't even really a baby that was lost.
I don't believe that for one second.
It was my baby. Our baby. My first.
And that would make me a MOTHER OF 3.

Tomorrow is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Breathe Katie Breathe

That is my mantra. I don't think I can do this. My head and my heart are pounding. And I am literally struggling to breathe.
Over dramatic much?
School starts tomorrow.
I am not one of those mothers that just can't wait to get rid of their kids after 2 1/2 months of togetherness. Don't get me wrong, I love a break or a date night as much as the next gal but I just can not get excited about the fact that I will now only be seeing my children for few short hours a day.
They will be having fun, learning, growing, without me standing right there and witnessing it all.
Add to that the fact that this will be their first time in public school. Last year Lacie's classroom had 7 students in it, at her new school she has 20!
They will be spending their days with complete and total strangers.
Haven't I taught them not to talk to strangers?
Now I'm supposed to just walk them to the door, wave, and walk away?
I don't know how I'm gonna do this! Seriously. I'm a mess.