Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Adult Friendships

I always had friends growing up. For as long as I can remember I had at least one Best Friend, sometimes more than one, at just about every point of my life.
I remember being very social. Yah I had attitude, there were girls I didn't like, or that didn't like me, but for the most part I was friends with just about everyone. And when given the choice, I would choose friends over family. Spending the night at friends house's, going to the mall or the movies. Anything. I loved going out with my friends, and in highschool, there were alot of us.
After graduating high school, we all went our seperate ways. We all still hung out occasionally but those times slowly faded. I started dating David in the fall and I knew pretty much right away that he was The One so I devoted ALOT of my time to him and our relationship. This meant spending even LESS time with my friends and MORE time with family, which turned out to be not so bad :)
Through the early years of our marriage we developed friends together, at church. With church changes, those friends faded too. When we had kids, we had friends that also had kids. But over the course of time and more church changes, those have also gone.
Now my husband can make friends with a brick wall in a matter of minutes and has no problem letting things roll off his back. But I know he is really hankering for some GUY friends that have the same interests as him these days.
I on the other hand I'm trying to decide where I stand on this whole Friends thing.
I have friends. I have my bestie. And others that I hang out with occasionally. And I'm fine with that. I don't feel the need to actively seek out more friends. Of course I wouldn't turn anyone away, but I often find myself feeling really ANTI-social. Does that make any sense?
Sometimes I wish it wasn't. I really wish we had a family or families where I was friends with the wife, David and the husband were friends, and our kids were friends. I think that would be alot of fun. It just hasn't happened yet. And even though I'm ok with that. I feel like I shouldn't be.
I think I am just really guarded now. I would much rather be by myself, with my family, than constantly with "friends" that use me, are fake with me, or suck me dry and give nothing in return. I don't have the energy anymore!

What do you think the Adult Rules of Friendship are?


Sarah said...

I love stalkers! :-) Haha, yes, we were in Bakersfield for the fiesta and yes, we were at Best Buy on Saturday. Weird, but oh-so-Bako, right? So how would I know you? I see you're friends with Colleen Sherman? She's our wedding photographer!

Megan said...

I think you have hit the nail on the head, in my experiances, I have one extra special friend from childhood,and a few that I 'keep in touch with' but it is hard and I think almost impossiable to make friends like that once you are married and have a family. at some point in you adult life it seems you come to the realization that what is most important and consuming in your life is your family, and the occasional companionship of another mommie or person with simular interests is nice, but ultimatly your energy and focus is your family.....I hate to say it, but as I have gotten older, I have gotten a tad selfish in my willingness to open my self up to other people, mostly becaus I don't want thier drama to affect my life!

that being said I should say that I appreciate our relationship as "mommy friends" and even though we may never reach that leavel of "highschool best friend-ship" I am greatfull to have met you and be able to enjoy our friendship when you lives allow!

Dee said...

I thought i was the only one who felt that way. I often find myself wanting to stay home more with my family than to go out with friends. My friends from work tease me and say I never want to do anything or go to happy hours after work. But I find that I just dont want to go out I would much rather spend my time with my family. And i suppose to them it makes me seem weird or boring.

And like you a lot of my friends from high school I barely hang out with anymore and half of them who dont have kids stopped talking to me once I did. There are only a few friends I do have now even though I dont see them often because I am so busy that I truly confide in and look forward to spending time with.

Like Megan..I am glad I have you (and her) as one of my few mommy friends. We may not ever become best friends but I am glad i have you to confide in and i hope you feel the same way. And although I dont get to meet up with you much now days (damn my job) I have a fantatstic time when i do get to enjoy your company.

StepheLynne said...

I also think that because it's so dang hard to coordinate schedules in order to hang out with ANYbody, family definitely takes priority when opportunities arise.

And is it just me or has time really started flying as we get older?! There just aren't enough hours in the day to hang out with everybody!

It will be interesting to see how things play out when I move home. I'd love to have a "girl night" set aside each week to reconnect with friends and to catch up, but that might be over-ambitious...maybe every month :)