Monday, October 8, 2007

THREE

Three, 3, Tres, Trio, Third

This number torments me.

3 rows of seats in my car
3 Musketeers
3 times a charm
3
3
3

I want a third baby SOOOOOO badly. SOOOOOOO Badly! I have ALWAYS wanted 3 kids. ALWAYS.
I get INSANELY jealous when I see families of 5. Not families of 3, or 4. If you have a 3rd kid, I'm jealous :( If you have a husband that WANTS a 3rd kid, I'm SO jealous.
Sadly, my dear sweet husband has only ever wanted 2. We have one of each he says. What more could you want? A THIRD!
I don't want to change diapers again he says - Seriously? I change diapers all day long!
But the kids are so much easier now, why would you want to start all over? "HULLO! Me - pregnant for almost 3 straight years that are now almost completely a blur!?!"
The kids want another baby in the house too. "One we can KEEP!" they say
Lacie has been asking for a baby sister since she was 2 and 3 of her lil girlfriends got baby sisters ALL at the same time.
Tonight I was holding a friend's lil 1 month old. She felt SOOOO good! And Colby was being SO sweet with her! I asked him if he would like to have a baby sister and he said "Yes THIS one"
haha sweet boy, if only it were THAT easy.
My husband had the lil snip snip procedure done before Colby had even turned 1. I remember the night before how sad I was. David said to me "If you don't want this I won't do it" I KNOW I was sleep deprived. I remember how torn I felt, scared to have another so close, scared about money, scared about my marriage, scared about my skills as a mother. I was 23, he was 26. WOW. :(
David has always given me pretty much WHATEVER I want. Within his means of course. And he REALLY only wants 2. But I REALLY only want 3. How do we fix this?
He finally said it tonight,
"Just do it. Find out how much it's going to cost, what will we need to do. Do it"
Not "Yes honey I want to expand our family" Not "Gee babe it'd sure be nice to have another lil one around"
But does that mean I shouldn't go for it?
I really feel he'd love and enjoy a new addition to our family. But what if he doesn't? What if he resents me or worse the baby? I don't think I could live with that.
But I WANT A THIRD BABY/KID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9 comments:

Cosmo Mom said...

Well friend, i'm sorry that this is tormenting you so much. But I think your in a really hard situation, I think it's hard to ask somebody to have another baby when they really dont want to. Because it's a BIG commitment ya know? The reason he didn't say
"Yes honey I want to Expand our family" or "Gee babe it'd sure be nice to have another lil one around" is because he really doesn't want another little one. The "Just do it. find out how much it's going to cost, what we'll need to do. Do it" is because that's his way of getting you to shut up. and HONESTLY friend my opinion is, If he's willing to do something that he REALLY DOESN'T want to do, like look at having a third baby for you , you need to let up a little. I think in this situation the person that wants the baby needs to be the one to give, not the person that doesn't want the baby. You dont want to push something and deal with resentment from him toward you or like you said the baby. If every time money is tight or something goes wrong he looks at you and the baby and thinks "see... this is why i didn't want a third" This is just my opinion and take it for what it's worth. count your blessings you have two HEALTHY kids, and your entering a whole new fun stage of their life's i love you my friend!!!

StepheLynne said...

I say go for it! I can understand him not wanting more and deciding to get snipped with Lacie and Colby so close together, but like you said, they're both older now. And I even say that if something happens to where you and David can't have another biologically, ADOPT one! You are the kind of Mommy that needs to share her love with as many kids as possible!! More kids need a mom like you, Katie. And I'm not just saying that because you're my friend. I'm saying it because it's TRUE! C'mon...back me up, people!

CarlaMom2AnS said...

Awwww Katie, I'm sorry :(. I'm not going to say I understand, because obviously I'm not in your situation. If my dh told me that, I think I'd take it as a sign that he's giving up the fight, not that he's realizing the joy of another, kwim? Maybe, now that he's said that, you can give him some space and time and see if any other thoughts might creep into his head. Maybe seeing babies around (not the daycare babes, real babies that you get to hold and then give back when you want LOL) would help him see what fun a 3rd one would be. Maybe seeing the interraction of families w/ 3 kids would help him see this. However, I obviously can't guarantee it :(. So, in the mean time, maybe you can make a list of all the ADVANTAGES of keeping your family as a family of 4. Sounds corny, but things like this really help me. ((((HUGS))))

Cheeziemommie said...

So just a lil update - HE brought it up tonight! Is that a good sign? LOL He asked if I had looked up how much adoption will cost.
Thanks you guys for all of your support and advice.
Stephenie - You are TOO sweet! I have always felt like that I was MADE to be a momma :) And I've ALWAYS wanted to adopt!
Gretchie - thank you for being my bestie and my realist ;) I definitely don't want it to come off that I'm ungrateful or anything I just know that I don't feel complete.
Carla - The whole idea of us being able to give those kids back is his FAVE thing about lovin on them LOL
I'm not gonna give up yet. I'm not saying that I'm not gonna give up until I get my 3. But well, we'll see what happens.

StepheLynne said...

I think it's a good sign that he brought it up. It means he's been thinkin' about it, at least! Maybe he just needs a little more time to settle into the idea. And I REALLY hope you didn't marry the kind of man that would (or could) RESENT YOU or a CHILD for ANY reason. Give him some credit! (And if he is a jerk, then who cares what he thinks :o)

I agree times will get hard, but there will ALWAYS be hurtful things that CAN be said...whether or not you have 2 kids or 3. A 3rd child is really NOT the root of the problem.

So I say do a little research...feed him little bits of info at a time so he can process. I'm sure he'll appreciate not having everything shoved down his throat at once.

Love ya!! Keep us all posted!

Cosmo Mom said...

I think being a mom, your always going to miss the baby stage, your always going to miss how they smell, how they feel when you hold them, the first time they giggle, or look at you. But like i said i think you will ALWAYS want that. If you have your third i think you will eventually want that again. I'm not saying dont do it. I'm saying, you don't want to have a third baby by bullying s/p? or making him feel like he's a bad guy/husband/dad for not wanting any more (not that you ARE making him feel that way) I think your other friend had a good idea about writing down why a family of 4 is great. I doubt David could recent you or a baby in the long run, but we're humans and to say he could never have a private thought of "if we didn't have the third baby..." isnt a horrible thing. And i wouldn't say forget what he thinks because he's going to be a BIG part of what ever you two decide. and how it impacts your family. ANYWAYS... friend. I think you two should take it slow, write down a pro/con's list of both. and REALLY take everybody's feelings (your's and his) to heart.

StepheLynne said...

PS...keep in mind I have no kids and don't REALLY know what I'm talking about. But I make some good points, right??

Cosmo Mom said...

Oh, and my responc to this

"I can understand him not wanting more and deciding to get snipped with Lacie and Colby so close together"

I don't think ANY guy would just willy nilly let anybody get near their willy's to dig around and snip things if they weren't REALLY sure they were done having kids.

But that's my opinion on the matter. haha. And whatever you TWO decide to do i hope it's something that makes you BOTH happy. Because ultamintly s/p? it's up to the two of you.. not the opinion's of us.

Cheeziemommie said...

So he brought it up AGAIN last night! Craziness I know. We were FINALLY able to have a real heart to heart conversation on the topic. FINALLY. I am really please with this progress even if the end result is not a new member of our family.
Oh and it's not the BABY stage I'm missing. I want 3 kids. Period. Regardless of age of origin.
So I'm off to do some research :)